


Even If Saving You Sends Me To Hell

by kayura_sanada



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Darkness Can Be Good, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protectiveness, Screw Eraqus' Absolutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 11:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14331054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayura_sanada/pseuds/kayura_sanada
Summary: Terra’s heart reacts instinctively when it sees Ven in pain, and the first tendril of darkness is born.





	Even If Saving You Sends Me To Hell

Terra stared at the thrones on the dais. His dream of being one of them, of being able to join his master and his friends on those steps, had been dashed away in an instant. “The darkness.” Those chairs looked so far away now. “Where did it come from?”

* * *

It started with a touch.

“What did you do?”

Terra pulled his hand away from the boy’s shoulder at Master Eraqus’ accusing tone. He felt something snap along the ends of his fingertips, almost like a shock along his nerves. He stared at his hand. He hadn’t even remembered reaching out to touch the boy. It had felt… as if something was calling for something else, and he had tried to answer. He frowned. “Nothing,” he said, answering his master. “I – I just asked him some stuff.”

The old man who’d arrived with the boy – the blond had said his name was Ventus – went to his side and held him as he collapsed into unconsciousness. Terra’s heart pounded in his chest at the sight.

“Ventus cannot tell you anything,” Master Eraqus said, “because he cannot remember anything.”

Terra looked back at the boy. His fingers still tingled.

“Come. Help Master Xehanort bring Ventus to the guest chamber.”

Terra moved to do as bade. Something dark as night slid like a wisp from his fingertips.

* * *

The first few days after Ventus was left with them by Master Xehanort, Terra would watch as Eraqus and Ventus would pass by doorways and windows near which he and Aqua trained. Young Ventus never looked any better than he’d been those first days. Terra stopped training the third day after Ventus had joined their household, turning from the training room for the view outside its halls. Down in front of the castle, Ventus stood with his head hanging low, as usual, as Master Eraqus attempted to do something – something that looked oddly like calling out a keyblade.

“Apparently, he was Master Xehanort’s apprentice,” Aqua said, coming to stand beside him. “But something happened.”

He felt the same urge to go to the boy that he’d felt for the past few days. As usual, he tamped down on it, remembering the way Ventus had grabbed his head and screamed. He didn’t want to cause that again.

“Master Eraqus has been trying to get him to react, to call the keyblade he’s supposed to have. But nothing has worked so far.”

He stared at the kid. He looked like little more than a puppet with its strings cut. He looked at Aqua. She stared out the window, as well. “Haw you spoken with him?”

She turned back to him. “No,” she said with a shake of her head. “Master Eraqus said it would be better if we didn’t crowd him.” She looked back out. “I hope he’ll be okay.”

Terra frowned. He looked so alone. Master Eraqus didn’t want them to overcrowd Ventus, and that was probably right. But how did that mean they should stay away from him entirely?

He stepped away from the window. “I’ll be back,” he told Aqua, and hurried away. The last thing he heard was Aqua’s quiet, confused acceptance.

* * *

He waited patiently for Master Eraqus to finish speaking with Ventus. The Master’s lips were thin by the time he’d completed whatever he’d been doing. The look only got worse when he saw Terra. “I understand you must be concerned for him,” Master Eraqus said, coming up to where Terra stood just beyond the door to the castle. Behind the master’s robes, Terra could just barely make out the form of Ventus, trailing emptily behind the master, as usual. “But it wouldn’t do to overwhelm him at this time. He’s still in a very vulnerable state.”

Terra nodded. “I understand. I don’t want to scare him. But I just can’t ignore him, either. I want to help, to let him know we’re here. I’ll refrain from asking him questions, master, but…”

He looked at the boy, surprised to see he’d lifted his head to look at him. The boy quickly lost interest again, but not before Master Eraqus caught it, as well. The man sighed. “Very well. Do not trouble him. His heart is very weak right now.”

Terra nodded, the warning even more sinister with its wording. His heart was weak? What did that mean?

Master Eraqus headed inside, likely only giving them enough space to make it seem as if they were alone, just in case. Terra knelt down before young Ventus and smiled. “I’m Terra. We met before. Do you remember?”

He realized he’d asked a question just before the boy nodded. “Terra,” he murmured.

Terra grinned. “That’s right. Want to sit with me while I practice?”

The boy didn’t respond, but when Terra finally chose to get up and move to the clearing, Ventus trailed after him. His heart beat a bit faster in his chest. It felt like something exciting was happening. He looked back at Ventus. He could feel something sparking within him, flashing out between him and the boy behind him. He breathed deep and called out his keyblade.

He practiced for hours. No matter how hard he practiced, how lost in his steps and swings he became, the little blond stayed with him. He’d thought to somehow engage the boy in the act, but Ventus seemed content to watch. That was fine. By the time Terra had worn himself out, the sparking, electric feeling had settled somewhat. He sat beside the boy on the bench and let his keyblade dissolve back into his heart. Sweat beaded down his neck, making his shoulders and back itch. He ran a hand through his hair. “Thanks for hanging out with me.”

For the second time, the boy looked up, for just a moment, into his eyes. They looked empty. Was that look what made the master say Ventus’ heart was weak? What did that mean, exactly? Terra could feel something within the boy. It seemed to call to him. He looked so small, all alone where he sat. Terra, on instinct, reached out and rubbed the boy’s head. That same strange, sparking feeling lanced across the edges of his fingertips. Ventus… blinked. “Uh…” The boy looked up. Terra, remembering how he’d touched the boy before and received a very poor response, snatched his hand back. It almost hurt to do so.

Ventus, however, simply stared at him. “Terra.”

Terra nearly jerked in surprise. He forced his hand to lay still on his lap. “Yes?” The boy didn’t respond again, but it seemed almost as if he was searching for words. Terra waited for a few seconds, then said, “do you need anything? The master?” He made to stand, but Ventus’ hand shot out and grabbed his arm. He sucked in a sharp breath. It was the most effort he’d ever seen the boy make. He sat immediately back down. “I’m here,” he said simply.

Ventus merely nodded, but that was fine. He felt like he’d gotten closer to the boy, and in turn, had let him know he wasn’t alone. His heart sped up at the sight of the young man. Ventus stared aimlessly at the ground. He looked so fragile. Whatever had happened to him must have been terrible. But now he had Terra. So long as Terra was around, nothing would happen to him again.

He smiled and dared rub the boy’s hair again. Electricity snapped between them – and darkness slid upon his fingers.

* * *

Ventus began searching actively for Terra, until it was more common to see the boy with him than with Master Eraqus. Master Eraqus praised Terra for his efforts, and before long, Aqua had come to join them. There was little to show for their efforts for months; Terra gently led Ventus to their practice room, or to the clearing just outside the castle, or up to the summit. More often than not, the boy said nothing, did nothing, but stared intently for moments at a time at Terra, whom he seemed to have bonded with.

“He really likes you,” Aqua pointed out more than once, and Terra smiled at the thought. He liked to think Ventus had understood his feelings that first day, that the boy knew Terra would always keep him safe.

Soon, Ventus was eating meals with them, turning his head their way when walking around with Master Eraqus, and visiting them whenever he had free time. He watched Terra often, but he also started listening to Aqua and letting her close. After Aqua saw him muss up Ventus’ hair and get a small smile for the very first time, she took to touching his shoulder and cheek. The boy seemed to respond well to their touches, and Terra wondered if he’d been touch-starved somehow.

They were practicing like any other day when Ven suddenly stood from the bench and, slowly, came to stand next to Terra. Terra turned to the boy, only to find his hand outstretched. His brows pulled low over his empty eyes, his lips peeled back in almost a grimace – Terra moved to stop him, afraid suddenly that he was hurting himself – only to stop as, for the first time, Ventus pulled out his keyblade.

It was different from any other Terra had ever seen. Backwards. Though he held his hand properly, his keyblade curved around his hand to sit backwards as it stretched out. “Ven…” His mouth moved, but hardly any sound came out. For Ventus, however, it was different. No sooner had he called the keyblade out than he was screaming again, gripping his head and falling to his knees. His keyblade disappeared. Terra raced to his side.

“Ventus?! What happened?!” Aqua hurried over, as well, kneeling before Ventus as Terra grabbed his shoulders. That sparking feeling returned, as if trying to give energy to Ventus. He thought to let go, only to see Ventus calm after just a few moments. Perhaps he was just anchoring the boy. Perhaps Ventus was relying on his touch. Either way, he didn’t let go.

“He tried calling his keyblade,” Terra said, his voice soft. He heard running footsteps and turned to see Master Eraqus racing toward them. “Master! Ventus tried calling out his keyblade–”

“I saw.”

Master Eraqus moved to Ventus’ side, as well, but instead of trying to comfort him, the master pulled out his own keyblade. “Right now, this boy’s ties to his past harm him. I was afraid this would be the outcome.”

Terra made way for Master Eraqus, but for some reason, he couldn’t make himself let go of Ventus entirely. One hand remained outstretched, barely touching his back. A reminder that he was there. “What do we do?”

Master Eraqus pointed his keyblade at Ventus’ chest. In moments, the cries turned to moans, then to soft exhalations. Ventus slumped to the ground. “There.” He put his keyblade away. Aqua had moved completely away, so it was to Terra that his words were aimed. “I calmed his heart and put him to sleep. He should recover. For now, I believe it’s safe to say calling out his keyblade is too much for him.”

“Then how do we help him?” Terra asked. His hand still rested on Ventus’ back, this time holding his weight. He felt too light to be healthy.

“We’ll have to slowly help him recover from his past.”

“Master,” Aqua said, stepping forward once more. “I’ve been wondering this for a while, but just what happened to him?”

Master Eraqus shook his head. “A horrible accident. That is all I will say. For now, your focus must be on what will help him now, and not what lay in his past.”

Terra nodded. Master Eraqus must mean that Ventus’ past needed to stay there, or else it might return somehow and hurt him again. If they focused on him now, they could help him move forward from those moments. They could create newer, more happy memories, until the memories of the past stayed in his subconscious where they belonged. Until they couldn’t hurt him anymore.

“I’ll take him to his room,” he offered, when Master Eraqus noted Ventus should get some rest.

Master Eraqus nodded. Terra picked Ventus up. He didn’t cry out or try to struggle, but instead curled up in Terra’s arms. “It seems he’s taken to you,” the master said, and smiled. “He must recognize your kindness and be drawn to it. I’ll be counting on you, and Aqua, from now on, to help show him the way forward.”

Terra nodded, his grip around Ventus tightening momentarily. His heart pounded in his chest as Ventus wrapped his arms around Terra’s neck. The feeling of electricity nearly swamped him, leaving him momentarily lightheaded. “Of course,” he said, breathlessly answering his master. “I will do whatever it takes.”

Aqua mirrored his response as Terra carried his burden with ease. His heart felt almost buoyant.

Darkness seeped from him into Ventus. By the time they reached the boy’s room, he was already looking miles better.

* * *

He changed his practices to match what Ventus needed. From that day onward, he practiced with his wooden keyblade, something he’d made shortly after arriving in the Land of Departure, back when he hadn’t been able to produce his own keyblade and had been little more than a child himself. The thing held a similar balance to his keyblade, if not a perfect weight. Still, it was better than letting Ventus think training to become a keyblade master entailed a necessity for the keyblade itself. In fact, he’d practiced with this same sword for years before using an actual keyblade.

The first time Ventus saw him using the wooden sword, he’d made a small sound of surprise. For others, it might have been practically nothing, but for Ventus, it was nearly a shout. Terra turned to Ventus with a smile. “I wanted to memorize the basics again,” he said. It wasn’t untrue. He’d felt himself losing the old movements in his haste to acquaint himself with his keyblade. It was why he’d been training so hard lately. This would be the perfect opportunity, and it would help Ventus out, as well. “I first learned them with this, so I wanted to do it again. I’ll return to the keyblade once I’ve mastered this once more.”

He held out the wooden blade and saw Ventus’ gaze sweep over it. The eyes were still a bit empty, but there was something more to them than before. He could swear it. “If you want, I could make you one, too.”

Ventus stared for a long, interminable moment before walking away. Terra tried to hide his disappointment. It might be too early to talk about keyblades, even if it was only wooden ones.

A few hours later, however, Ventus returned, his steps hurried. Terra had taken a break almost fifteen minutes before, stretching his tired muscles. “Ventus.” He smiled. “Want to join me for lunch?”

Ventus’ mouth opened. He looked toward the clearing. His hands, clasped behind his back, came forward to produce a simple wooden sword. It was clearly newly created, elementary in make. It was equally obvious that Ventus was the one to make it.

Terra beamed. “Ven…!” He stood and moved to Ventus’ side, mussing up the blond’s hair as he rubbed the boy’s head. “You want to join me?”

Slowly, blushing, Ventus nodded.

He laughed. He couldn’t help it. That now-familiar feeling of lightning danced around his fingers as he pulled them away from Ventus’ skin. “All right! Let’s get started!”

* * *

Ven landed on his backside on the grass. It was a customary site, now, ever since he and Aqua had found Ven more relaxed outdoors. He lowered his wooden keyblade as Ven struggled to get up. “Giving up already?” he teased. “C’mon, Ven. I thought you were stronger than that.”

Nearly half a year had passed, and though Ven still didn’t speak, he responded to them as well without words as with. They’d also found that Ventus responded to the name Ven with positive signs, including small smiles. It seemed he’d taken a fondness to the nickname.

“Ven!” Aqua called out, taking her place as cheerleader for their sparring session. “You almost had him! Just try it again.”

He scowled at her. “Hey, wait! You’re teaming up now?”

She grinned at him, hands on her hips. A dare. Ven nodded at her and grabbed up the wooden sword he’d dropped. It had been months since he’d made it, and that fact was seriously showing. Soon, the sword would need to be either fixed or replaced.

Ven held the sword in his own special way – the way his keyblade had sat in his hands. Backward, facing behind his body. It was a stance Terra never would have imagined, but one that worked well with Ven’s quick, often slightly odd movements. Sometimes, when they practiced together, Terra found himself reacting in surprise to those movements. It was clear he’d undergone training before – but that was a part of Ven’s past, and had no place in his thoughts. For now, he was simply glad Ven was more energetic.

Ven raced toward him. He held up his practice keyblade in preparation.

When moments like this came, sometimes Terra could swear he could feel something connect between them. Something that snapped like the start of a hurricane. His blood pumped through his veins like lightning. With each swing, each smack of wood on wood, he could feel it. Ventus felt like light. Always. He felt like the noonday sun, almost too bright to see, even with his heart as fragile as it was.

The boy had gotten stronger these past months. Strong enough to play with, to tease, to practice with. Ven had become a brother. A friend. Perhaps something more, something indefinable. When they finished their mock battle and sat at the edge of the summit, Terra found his heart beating with something more than even lightning. Like a warm, dark fire, it burned inside him. He touched Ven’s shoulder and saw the boy relax as if warmed.

It was up there, on the summit, with Ven sandwiched between himself and Aqua as they all sat together, over half a year into their friendship, that Ven truly spoke to them for the first time.

Ventus still had that glazed look to him, but the feel of his heart was becoming stronger by the day. Terra could feel the light just by being in Ven’s presence. Just as, he was beginning to realize, Ven felt his presence, as well. Aqua was a part of it all, as well, of course; she mothered and babied Ven at the same time, devoted herself to him just as completely as Terra, and was still as close as a sister to Terra, as well. But there was something _different_ in Terra’s dealings with Ven. He had no words for it. It was as if – as if he was one side of a magnet, and Ven the other. He was drawn to Ven. To his light? To his heart?

He looked over at Ven. It didn’t matter. Ven had become the center of the universe, but how could that be bad? He loved Ven. Before, his life had been Master Eraqus and Aqua, whom he also loved. If he loved Ven a little more, that was just his heart reacting to Ven’s.

Like mutualism, Terra became a better person in his love and protectiveness of Ven, and Ven was given the safety he needed to recover from his past. Ven’s arrival had been nothing less than a gift.

Ven’s head hung as he stared at his practice sword. Because he’d lost in practice? Perhaps he should have gone easier on him. He looked down to where Ven’s gaze lingered and frowned at the practice sword. It was about to fall apart. He smiled. “Ven. You see all those dents and nicks you got?” Indeed, Ven’s fingers ran along the sword’s many scratches and marks.

Aqua, understanding where he was going, joined in. “Each one of those is proof you’re learning.”

Ven looked at her, then back down at his sword. Still, that rare smile of his did not return.

“You’re trying to hard to move your body.” He picked up his wooden keyblade. It had a couple of scratches, but was sturdy enough to not look at beaten as Ven’s. Still, he remembered what it had looked like when he’d first made it. The wood had been flawless. It looked nothing like it once had. “You need to learn to let your body move you. Right?”

He’d told Ven already that he’d wanted to return to memorizing his own movements. Ven looked at the blade, then at him. He smiled again and stood.

In reality, Ven had grown, both in fitness and in his heart. But he could feel something still lost within the boy, as if his heart wandered without a destination. Too often, Ven stared at them as if they were something too far away to touch. Like now. Just because he’d lost this match, he looked as if he’d lost something precious. As if he and Aqua had slipped too far away.

Terra cleared his throat. “In your hand, take this blade.” He held his wooden keyblade aloft. Ven’s gaze caught on it, his mouth open slightly. “And so long as you have the makings, then through this simple act of taking, its wielder you shall one day be made.”

Aqua giggled. “What’s _that_ about? Who went and made you master?”

Unlike Aqua, Ven’s face carried no levity. Instead he gazed up at Terra with those empty eyes, and before him, Terra could feel something like yearning. “Being a keyblade master is all I’ve dreamed about.”

Ven and Aqua exchanged glances. “Well, you’re not the only one.”

Exactly. None of them had reached that dream yet. “I know.” He held his wooden blade in both hands, then dropped to one knee. He offered the blade to Ven. “You, me, and Ven,” he looked to the blond, “all share the same dream.”

Finally, that smile returned. Terra’s heart pounded. Ven reached out and accepted Terra’s keyblade.

Between them, that fire sparked. His heart had never felt so light.

For a moment, that same light reflected in Ven’s eyes. For the very first time. But not the last.

“Yeah,” Ven said, and smiled up at him. “Our dream.”

* * *

When that light returned to those eyes, they shone with a brilliance even the sun couldn’t match. Terra found himself floating in Ven’s orbit, his heart racing every time Ven turned those bright eyes his way. No matter how hurt and broken Ven’s heart had been when he’d arrived, he’d managed to return. That fragile heart was all the more beautiful for its strength.

And if that same lightning spark shot through him whenever he touched Ven, then it was only proof that there was life between them. Each touch was a new promise. To protect. To cherish. To love.

Ven was a part of his heart, and he was a part of Ven’s.

* * *

“The darkness. Where did it come from?”

Terra stared at that dais, so far away from him now. For someone raised on the idea of the perversion of darkness, the shadows within him were a blight.

For others, however, they just might have been life.


End file.
